keat

How often do you ask yourself whether something is worth doing?
I find myself asking this very often recently, or maybe, for the whole of this year.

Worth it to do this, worth it to do that?

Is it worth putting in so much effort in studies when effort doesn't lead to the desired outcome?
Is it worth being the good guy every time when people just don't seem to appreciate it?
Is it worth being the bad guy at appropriate times or should I just shut up and keep up with a positive image?
Is it worth trying my best to hold things together when they seem to be drifting further and further apart?

E-P,P-O weaken. Motivation weakens.
What an appropriate OB theory to be applied in this case..

Is there something which I can excel in?

Studies: No.
Play: No.

Nothing.

Perhaps it is a wrong choice right from the start.
I'm just not supposed to be where I am now.
Maybe I will just quit if I fail the overalls. I'm sick and tired of failing.

Blood has been reaching boiling point these couple of days. My blood is going to dry up soon..

Some freaking asshole bitch has to test my patience again and again. I'm not going to hold back my words anymore, you just don't deserve any of the respect which I have for any human being (because you ain't behaving like one).

I'm so upset for your school and your parents. Please don't tell others that you were from that school because the school has a good reputation and I have always thought that that school breeds excellent students. And I guess your parents will be so disappointed if they know that their child is doing all these irresponsible acts.

Come on, if you have no intention to do what you are supposed to do, be cool about it. Besides skipping project meetings, not doing delegated tasks, you should might as well skip lectures, skip tutorial classes, and not doing tutorials. I've seen free-riders in the past but somehow they deserve more respect from me than you do. These free-riders are free-riders because they are like this, its in their character and when they do not do project work, they do not attend classes and do not do homework too.

But you, you just make me want to puke, I've never seen anyone as disgusting as you. You are not a free-rider, yet worst than one. And I think by calling you free-rider, I'll be insulting free riders. If you do not want to care about projects then freaking don't. And freaking don't care about any other stuff. Please at least have some integrity instead of asking around for answers from people who have taken it.

And please stop trying to poke your nose in everything. Who are you? We are not anywhere close. Its just a classmate relationship. Being such a busybody will only make others detest you more.

I wanted to scream so badly in your face when you gave the lame excuse of not producing the tiny piece of work you were supposed to do. You said you are busy. FOR GOD'S SAKE, WHO ISN'T. YOU THINK THE EARTH REVOLVES AROUND YOU ALONE? I had Stats quiz this week and I'm going to have 2 Mktg presentations next week. If I have the time to complete my part, I don't see why you can't.

Please come up with more intelligent excuses apart from "oh, I'm not feeling well", "oh, I'm too busy". And freaking one sentence "I'm not feeling well" can entitle you to the privilege of not having to attend meetings, not having to participate and contribute anything during discussions? The day when you changed our meeting venue and time again and again and again. And finally when we met, you said that you were not feeling well and your brain isn't functioning and you stoned all the way through the meeting without saying a single word. Do you know that I wanted to smack your face? I was having a bad headache on that day but still, I accomodate to your desired meeting place and time. And when we were there, you told us that you ain't going to do anything during the meeting. WTH. With a bad headache, I was cracking my brain to help the team but you, please ask yourself what you were doing throughout the meeting.

I thought I have seen the worst in poly. But no, you proved me to be terribly wrong.

Have you tried receiving a compilation of work that makes you frown and want to cry?
I mean I have nothing against the person and it isn't about making personal attacks.
But honestly speaking, I don't think one doesn't know how to differentiate between what's acceptable and what's not.

And it makes me look real bad when I have to change everything and reject what's being done. It would be no difference to me saying: "Hey, I think what you did can't really make it. So take mine."
But at the same time, I can't just accept things as they are now. They are just too unacceptable. Okay, say I'm too bossy, say that I have too high expectations. Seriously speaking, that will not just affect me, but the whole group too.

Okay, I don't know why I'm making a big fuss about this. I had worst in the past.
But it really seems bad after some damn thing in the afternoon, and bad network connections and freaking lousy Hotmail service.

I don't know. Just buzz off. Everything will be fine if everthing buzz off.

Still trying to strike a balance between studies and personal time, family & friends.
But so far, studies seems this BIG.
And the rest, this small.

And it doesn't make things better when shit happens.

Its either the workload is really bad,
or I have really bad time management.

I don't understand how people balance play and study in uni. Like, HOW?

Why am I where I am now.
I don't know.
I'm tired and dreadful of everything.

Happy Food #1: Hotcakes


Happy Food #2: Japanese food


Happy Food #3: OREO CHEESECAKE

( Sad? Eat. Stressed? Eat. )

It dawn upon me that besides studying, there's really nothing else I can try to excel in.

I suck at playing sports.
I can't really sing well.
I suck at playing games, all sorts of games (card games, computer games, board games, whatever).

So I guess besides studying, I suck at almost every other thing. Sad isn't it.

And I told myself some moment ago that I need to PLAY HARD and STUDY HARD at the same time.
Now the playing hard part seems to be of some difficulty because I think I've forgotten how to play, literally.
Perhaps I need some kids to teach me how to play.